Transitioning…….

I know some of you have already started to wonder if I’ve decided to join the natural hair movement (Love you ladies but it’s just far too much work with the pre pooing and the post pooing I just can’t). And no I haven’t decided I want to change my name from Claire to Clark and start wearing mens clothes either (Love being a woman) Nah I’ve decided that I am and forever will be a proud feminist.

Now before the men start wondering if I’ve started backsliding. I don’t know why being a strong woman is associated with somehow being sinful. I still love my Jesus. I still love my husband. But I’ve decided to transition from what Chimamanda Adichie calls feminism lite to full blown feminist. And no I’m not going to stop wearing a bra or makeup or fashionable clothes. My feminism is uniquely mine and I have the power to define it anyway I like. Besides part of being a feminist is knowing you are a full person and pursuing what interests you and fashion and makeup interests me.

By now you all know I have two absolutely gorgeous girls. Yeah I said it. They are. It’s the truth. Well I’m ashamed to say when I found out I was having a second girl I cried my eyes out. Don’t get me wrong I was grateful the baby was healthy and my husband would never give me that kind of aggro and infact was the one trying to calm me down. I told myself and everyone else that the reason I cried so much was because I only wanted two kids and I wanted this one to be a boy. That was a lie. The truth is that I had been sold a lie from the time I was young. That I needed to have a boy to feel like I had achieved something and could now sit comfortably in my husband’s house. Never mind that I was lucky enough to have achieved a pregnancy. Never mind that at this point I was a medical doctor managing a hospital and yet my sense of achievement was still tied to my ability to produce an heir. Which by the way I don’t even genetically determine.

So yeah I’m ashamed I cried my heart out. I asked God why. This was my desire! Why will you deny me? It took me a while to come to terms with the situation and then I saw my daughter and she was just absolutely gorgeous. So so beautiful I couldn’t believe that I made that and now everyday I look at her, shame washes over me. I wanted you to be a boy? Was I mad?

So before I keep talking I still want a boy. If not for anything but to see what it’s like to have a boy. I want to have the opportunity to raise a son that will be different. That will be an asset to his wife. That will see his wife as his equal and cooking and watching his kids not as helping but as his responsibility. I want the opportunity to make the life of a little girl somewhere better because she married him.

But for now I have 2 girls and I will bring them up to realise that they are full human beings on their own and not to feel like they are incomplete without a man. I will raise them to be fearless and have a voice. I will raise them to desire the best from life and work hard to achieve it. I will teach them that if you have achieved, you should buy whatever you can afford and not wait to buy it when you marry so that men will not feel intimidated. I will teach them not to aspire to marry but to aspire to greatness and excellence and if marriage comes, to desire to excel at that as well. I will raise them to know that the churches who say that you cannot join a womens group until you marry even though you are 35 are wrong and being a woman is a function of genetics not of marriage. I will raise them not to spend their entire lives trying to give a man self esteem that only God can give. I will teach them not to become less so someone else can feel better about themselves. And yes I will teach them to cook and clean and be able to fend for themselves because that is what a full human being does. I will also teach them to be kind, to be generous and to put others before themselves. I will teach them to love God with their whole heart and their whole minds but also to love others as they love themselves. I will teach them to love themselves no matter what shape and no matter what they look like. I will teach them that their sense of self worth comes from God and no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

And I will no longer be afraid of being me. Of being beautiful and intelligent. Of being powerful. Of being ambitious. I desire to be a full human just as my husband is and just as my brothers are. I desire to own properties and leave an inheritance for my children. I will work to be excellent and will not apologise for achieving greatness. I will no longer reply to condescending comments about being lucky my husband ‘allows’ me to be great. Nobody is allowing anyone to do anything. We are each others support systems helping each other achieve our dreams.

To the men out there who feel threatened because of a woman’s ability to achieve, if your sense of self worth comes from your ability to make someone subservient to you then look again and ask yourselves who is the weaker sex now?